


Give Me A Little Try

by junakabisque



Series: Play with Fire [3]
Category: Alice Nine
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-05
Updated: 2013-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-03 02:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1064380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junakabisque/pseuds/junakabisque
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been two months since Saga’s suicide attempt occurred in the very flat that they were living; two months of Saga suffering from the after-effect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Give Me A Little Try

**Author's Note:**

> Credit to vampire_kiki@LJ for beta-reading. A sequel to [Scar](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1064376), which is a sequel to [Play With Fire](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1064366).

The night was still young, yet the lanky bassist had already curled up on the soft mattress; the thick comforter covered his entire body. The light in the bedroom was dimmed, save from the bright light coming from the laptop’s screen on top of the nightstand. A chill breeze penetrated the room through the slightly ajar window, blowing the curtains. An almost inaudible sound of footsteps was distinctly heard, followed by the sound of the door being swung open. Here came Tora, the tall black-haired guitarist of Alice Nine, bringing a cup of coffee in his right hand. The guitarist strutted across the bedroom to approach the nightstand, putting the cup on top of it, before he took his open laptop. He was about to make himself comfortable on the same bed, which was occupied by his bassist, when he suddenly got shivers on his spine. He turned his attention to the window, depositing his laptop on the empty spot beside Saga and made his way to the window, closing and locking it; he didn’t forget to draw the curtains, too. He then returned to the bed, sitting on it carefully, as to not to wake the brunette bassist. His laptop was now positioned on his lap, as the guitarist leaned back onto the headboard, ready to resume his research. The black-haired guitarist sipped his coffee, scrolling down the article shown on the screen with his left hand middle finger as he read.

> _**Build a support system:** _
> 
> _This is very important for the recovery of a suicide attempt and preventing a recurrence. Having at least one person who you trust and can be honest with plays an important part, especially when times you feel suicidal again. Family members or close friends can play this role. However, having more than one person whom you can turn to in times of need is even better._
> 
> _Keeping these people (Ally) informed about how you are doing and how you are feeling can enable them to assist you in the best way they can. To make this work, you have to be honest with yourself, and be honest with them. Even when you feel alone, always remember that there are people who care about you a lot and are always willing to lend a hand._

Tora stopped reading. Carefully, he put his cup of coffee back onto the nightstand, before he took a glance at the sleeping bassist. He extended his arm to reach for Saga’s head, caressing the smooth hair. He watched the bassist’s shoulders rise up and down in a steady rhythm, an indication that told him that Saga had fallen deep to the Slumber Land.

It had been two months since Saga’s suicide attempt occurred in the very flat that they were living; two months of Saga suffering from the after-effect. Every member of Alice Nine, including their manager, knew of the bassist’s change of behaviours. They were all aware of the lack of enthusiasm from the bassist, the restlessness and that seemingly to be permanent exhaustion glistening in the brunette’s eyes. Yet, they kept the knowledge to themselves, not having the heart to bring up the discussion. Especially, not when Tora was around.

Nevertheless, Tora knew about the whispers behind his back. He knew about them having not fully forgiven him for what had happened. Even though Tora had been taking care of Saga ever since the unfortunate event took place, nobody seemed to acknowledge his effort. Nobody. Not even Saga himself.

The guitarist recalled the sentences from the article. The part that said about the person who had attempted suicide must at least have one person whom they could trust and be honest with. It made Tora wonder, did Saga have one? The bassist seemed to have been retreating himself from the society more than ever. Even to Tora, who was supposed to be the closest person to him right now, Saga still put a barrier in-between them.

Tora felt a pang in his heart at this thought. Subconsciously, the guitarist withdrew his hand; but that was when he caught a sight of a red object, which happened to be Saga’s mobile phone. The clamshell-type device lay near the bassist’s head, almost being slept upon even. Tora took it, wanting to put the phone in a safer place, when he noticed the sticker on it—a sticker bearing _his_ trademark. Tora fingered the sticker, aware of one of the edges that looked like someone had tried to rip it off. Tora couldn’t help but thought, _”Was it you, Saga? But why?”_.

Snorting, Tora shook his head. He, of all people, should have known why. Of course, Saga wanted to get rid of his memories with the guitarist. The thought of Saga getting rid of their memories together triggered the guitarist’s curiosity. He flipped open the phone, not surprise to find Chiko’s picture as the wallpaper. Driven by the wild urge to check the bassist’s phone thoroughly—although he knew that it was wrong—Tora browsed the folders, half-hoping to find photos of him and Saga together. He remembered Saga taking pictures of them on their rare dates; he remembered Saga taking pictures of _him_ alone, just because the bassist worshipped the guitarist that much. That was why when he found nothing in Saga’s phone that might indicate that they were once together, Tora’s heart sunk. However, the hope still lingered. The black-haired guitarist returned to the home menu and browsed the contacts list. He scrolled down very slowly, reading each name that appeared on the list, but even until he reached the bottom, he couldn’t find his name, not even his alias. Chuckling softly and becoming delusional, Tora punched in his own number and dialled it. _”Maybe Saga just changed his number,”_ he thought in denial.

The guitarist’s phone vibrated near his thigh, and Tora grabbed it quickly. Saga’s name appeared on his screen. All of a sudden, Tora felt hard to swallow. He ended the call and shoved his phone under his pillow; Saga’s red phone was still in his left hand. Little did he know that the vibration of his phone just now had awakened the bassist. The black-haired guitarist jumped in surprise when he heard the soft whisper from Saga, “What were you doing with my phone?”

Calm, yet accusing.

“I was…I was just searching for my phone. It’s missing and I borrowed yours to dial my number,” Tora bit the inside of his cheek when he told this lie.

Tora watched the brunette sitting up—his hair was tousled, yet Tora still found him attractive.

“Have you found it yet?” asked the bassist, earning a silent ‘no’ from the older man, “Well… maybe we should try calling it again.”

Saying nothing, Tora handed the phone to its owner as he saw the bassist stifle a yawn with the back of his hand.

“I’m sorry that I woke you up,” Tora apologised.  
“Unh? Nah, it’s okay,” replied the bassist nonchalantly as he flipped open his phone and punched in the digits. He wasn’t aware of the black-haired guitarist’s stare as he did that, for he had already brought his phone up to his ear, listening to the dial tone.

Both of them felt the mattress vibrate softly, Saga’s eyes scanning his surroundings to find out what caused the vibration. Whereas Tora was still staring at the bassist’s beautiful face, silently confirming the fact he had just discovered.

“… You memorised my number,” whispered the guitarist almost inaudibly.

It took a few seconds for Saga’s brain to register what Tora said to him. For a second, the bassist looked like he was panicking and Tora noticed that. However, the younger brunette quickly regained his composure and feigned laughter.

“What do you mean? Didn’t you know that your phone number is easy to remember? Everyone else said that, too.”  
“So easy that you didn’t feel the need to save it?”  
“What?” Saga raised an eyebrow.  
“You don’t have my number in your contacts list,” said Tora, deadpanned.

Saga’s facial expression hardened. He gazed right into the older man’s eyes, “… You’ve violated my privacy.”  
“Privacy?” Tora snorted, “There is no such thing as ‘privacy’ between lovers, Saga. Or… are we not lovers anymore?” There was a hint of sadness when Tora said the last sentence.

Saga didn’t know what to say, and he could only chuckle awkwardly.

“I…I don’t know why we’re discussing this now. I think…I think you’re too tired.”  
“Tired? … Yes, maybe I am tired. Tired of being treated as nothing more than a band mate by you.”  
“What the hell are you talking about?” This time, Saga really had no clue why the guitarist was so upset.

Tora turned fully to face the bassist, gritting his teeth as he hissed each word that escaped his lips, “You have practically got rid of everything about us. But you still remembered my number. You allowed me to live with you in the same flat. You have fucking forgiven me and let me come into your life once again. Why?”

Saga brought his hands up to his head, covering both of his ears with his palms. He didn’t want to hear Tora saying those cruel words to him. Because it reminded him of that day, when Tora was mad at him and raised his voice at him; when Tora slapped him hard across the face.

Tora grabbed Saga’s shoulders and made the younger man face him, too. The bassist jerked in surprise and tried to resist, but Tora kept him still.

“I want to know… why you have even bothered to forgive me, if in the end; you’re only hiding behind that barrier of yours.”

Saga had closed his eyes, not wanting to find the anger within Tora’s dark orbs. He felt strangely familiar with the current situation, and he knew he hated that it was happening again. Tora’s grasps on his shoulders tightened, and Saga, resisting to look at the guitarist, whispered, “Don’t force me anymore.”

“Is that how you feel about me? You feel like I am forcing you?” Tora asked.  
“Are you happy now?” The bassist slowly lifted his face up, his eyes were red from the unshed tears and his voice wavered, “Are you happy now to have found out how deeply and fatally infatuated I have been by you? Too deep that I can’t even move on with my life—my second chance of life.”

Tora admitted that he was taken aback by the bitterness in Saga’s voice. He opened his mouth to say something, but his younger band mate had already interjected him, “You always get what you want, don't you? Why isn't it enough for you?"

“Saga…I…” Tora reached his arm out, attempting to touch Saga’s cheek, when suddenly; the bassist slapped his hand away. A single tear fell down from his eye; his eyebrows knitted together. The brunette looked hurt.

At that moment, Tora wanted nothing but comfort Saga. Too long had he suffered from not being able to touch his bassist in a loving way, in an intimate way. The guitarist wanted to pull the bassist into his embrace, and told him he would make up everything to him. He wanted to gain Saga’s trust again. He wanted his cheerful and sweet Saga back, no matter how unlikely it sounded. However, what presented before him was far from his expectation. Saga had been hurt; he had tasted the bitterness of life more than everyone around him did. The sight before him—that hurtful expression on the bassist’s face—was too much to behold. It reminded the guitarist again, of how he had been living in hell after Saga forgave him. Because whilst Saga had been given a second chance to live, Tora did not get a second chance to correct his mistakes.

“Why isn’t it enough for me, you asked? How could I feel enough when there’s this huge hole in here?” The guitarist pointed at his chest, exactly where his heart was.  
“You have never felt that strongly towards me before. Why feigning it now?” Saga lowered his head again, fisting the hem of his shirt.

The words stabbed the guitarist very deep. He knew that Saga had always doubted his feelings, but he didn’t expect him to still hold onto that uncertainty until this very moment. It made the black-haired man mad at both himself and Saga. He wasn’t in his right mind when all of a sudden, he lifted the bassist’s chin up and forced a kiss upon those plump lips. Almost in an instant though, Saga pushed the taller man back with all his might, slapping him hard across the face afterwards.

There was a silence then. Tora’s cheek had turned red and it stung. Whereas Saga’s eyes widened in disbelief, the back of his hand covering his lips. The sound that came from Saga was so depressing, “Why are you always so greedy?”

Tora found it hard to speak.

“You always want so much... What more do you want to ask from me? What more must I give you?!” Even Saga himself was surprised at his sudden outburst.

Tora didn't know how to answer, he wanted the pain in Saga's eyes to go away, he wanted the brunette to stop pushing him away, and he wanted the ache in his own chest to stop hurting. Most of all, he wanted the old Saga to return to him though he knew it wasn't possible. However, how was it possible to put all his thoughts into words, to explain to Saga how he truly felt?

“…Time.”

Tora didn’t realise that he was the one who uttered that word just now. He lifted his head up, looking straight into the bassist’s eyes.

“I want you to give me time. As long as you can give me…” continued the guitarist.  
“Why would you need it?”  
“…Because it’s the only thing I know that will heal every wound,” Tora reached for Saga’s left wrist, tracing the scar on it with his calloused fingers, “Would you?”

The bassist’s right hand flew up to his face, covering it, as well as his fringe did. Saga’s head lowered, as his shoulders began trembling, and through the gaps between those delicate fingers, warm tears trickled down. Not hesitating, Tora pulled Saga into his embrace this time. The bassist’s sobs were muffled, now that his face was buried in his broad chest.

 

_Yes,…it is time that I need…to make everything up to you; to heal the wounds we have developed in our hearts. To start over with you… Then again, haven’t I promised not to make the same mistake I made before ever again?_

 

Tora felt the bassist’s hands wrap around his torso. He heard the muffled words being spoken, “…As long as you need, Shinji…”

****

-The End-

**Author's Note:**

> Find this story also [on LiveJournal](http://junakabisque.livejournal.com/3792.html).


End file.
